I hope you are LOVING the change in the weather and the energy… I am:).
As you may know, I just got back from some adventures in Hawaii… I was booked to speak there and did a little playing as well!
One of my favorite activities in Hawaii is hula dancing… it’s SO playful and fun and feminine.
I was a classically trained dancer as a child, and then in highschool I was on the “Dance Team.”
I DO LOVE to dance… but the thing that always felt sad to me about the dance world, is that it was usually learning routines in preparation for a competition. Competition was stressful, the practices weren’t that fun, and it was for a big “show” or recital or to compete against other teams.
Ummm… where is the FUN in that?? Sounds like a big massive panic attack to me… all of it. What about dancing just to DANCE? That’s what I always wanted to do.
I’m writing this to you from one of my favorite places on earth, Hawaii.
Now… if you’ve been following my journey on social media, you may have noticed that I have been doing A LOT of traveling.
Traveling for work, traveling to see family… and also I have been SEEKING some clarity on how I want to live my life.
Have you ever had the feeling in your tummy that something in your life was just NOT working??
I hope that you are feeling GOOD today…
I will be heading to Hawaii in just a few short days for work.
If you’ve known me awhile, you know that I was hired to speak there last year, and I am headed back!
YES:) Dream gigs DO happen.
I hope that inspires you…
I have been traveling around a LOT recently talking to friends and family about LIFE.
And about what they have chosen for themselves, and why.
I’ve spoke to my Dad “Papa Webb”… my best friend Caroline, my aunt and my other mentors in life.
And what I’ve learned, is the beauty of SILENCE.
“Silence is GOLDEN.” -Papa Webb
I got so much LOVE from you all last week after I sent that ” LOVE BEAM.”
I want to THANK YOU for opening my emails and giving me high fives, chest bumps and kind words via email. Y’all rock!
Today’s topic is near and dear to my heart ( as per usual!)
You probably don’t know this… but one of my biggest challenges in life for the last 9 years has been talking to new people about what I do. Not new clients, not new business contacts… but just ” regular people” that are curious about all the nuances and details of my career– at dinner parties or at group events over wine… they want to ” get it” and it’s not really that easy to explain!!
So the problem (as I joked with a friend last week) is that my job is actually TOO fascinating, controversial to some, intriguing and begs more questions … and I can end up in LONG “conversation jail” conversations talking about myself when I don’t really want to be, if I let it go that way.
Marie Forleo has posted about this as well… she experienced the same thing when calling herself a ” life coach” earlier in her career.
We all have things we DON’T enjoy discussing that much… for some of it’s work, relationship status… ” when are you going to ________?” Insert whatever it is that feel sensitive to you!
There is, however a cure for ” conversation jail!!” It is called VERBAL KUNG FU!
For those of you who are interested in astrology, you may be aware that we are in a time of year that is known for being a time of “tests” and challenges.
If you have been feeling tested lately, it’s NOT just you:)
I have been seeing a LOT of tests come up for me, my friends and my clients. Oy vey! It’s been interesting for sure.
Last week I went to a big event that I felt very lucky to be invited to. There were a lot of quality people that I admire in one room.
I had the right outfit, the right mindset and the night was going beautifully… I was spending time with a few true trailblazers in my industry. I was “feeling the fear” of doing that– and doing it anyway! And then suddenly I felt a wave a nausea come over me, I ran to the ladies… And got pretty ill. I had to leave the event about half way through and was super bummed about it.
On my way out, I ran into a mentor of mine and she could tell I was upset that I had to leave. Her words to me:
Let’s have a chat about “Missions” shall we?
I have been a coach and speaker for women full time for 9 years now… WOW. That number makes me feel a little, ahem, experienced:)
When I started my career I was just 25. There were a lot of supporters and a lot of nay sayers… such is life! Some people were impressed with my moxie and skill and some people felt like I needed more life experience to be talking about life!
So… why has it “worked out” for me? I got clear on my mission.
One of our biggest blocks to having the love we want in our lives…
Is lack of SELF forgiveness.
We have ALL done things that we are not proud of… I personally could write an epically juicy book about all of my massive “eff ups” in love.
We’ve all been there… Whether it was telling a lie, cheating, staying in something too long, being a doormat, being too critical and immasculating… or even chasing something you knew wasn’t right.
Once you have decided that you are NOT going to do that again, there is NO reason for you to carry that pain and guilt with you.
It doesn’t serve you, and it DOESN’T make you a better person.
I promise you, it doesn’t.
What make you a better person is getting the lesson, making an oath to yourself to handle things differently, and MOVING FORWARD knowing that you’re a HUMAN BEING.
Here is your mantra of the week:
“I grant myself PERMISSION to be HUMAN. I am gloriously perfect, even with all of my imperfections.”
Want a little extra credit?
Write a letter of apology/release/closure to whomever you feel incomplete with.
This exercise is for your healing and yours alone, and
**the homework is NOT to send it**
If you want to, you can burn it or rip it up, OR (as me and one of my close girlfriends like to do) go for a walk outside and sprinkle the ripped up pieces in different trash cans. Just for a little extra fun and closure.
Want EXTRA closure??
Write yourself the response you’ve always wanted to hear.
This is an exercise from the book “Mars and Venus Starting Over” by John Gray.
Dear (Your name),
Thank you for…
I am sorry…
Love, (Their name)
Now… HEAL away! Holding onto guilt and regret helps NO ONE.
Grant yourself permission to be human, and let your light SHINE.
I am rooting for you.
Your Love and Happiness Advocate,
In my experience, the two most interesting (and also disempowering) subjects for women are money and love.
My girlfriend Kate Northrup has just written a book about helping women be empowered about money… AND she has just gotten engaged to an AMAZING man.
I remember sitting around her dining table a few years ago and “pow wowing” about what we wanted and whether it was possible to “have it all at once.”
Both Kate and I were seeing a lot of examples of women we respected who were at the top, career wise,but without a partner to share it with.
Kate is now an example of a woman who has created both.- HER WAY. This is good news for all of us.
Here is my honest (and very juicy!) interview with her:
Me: How do you think a woman being empowered about money can impact her dating or relationship life?
Kate: When a woman is self sufficient financially she can have TRUE partnership—not bend because she feels she has to. She is able to really shine and be in her full power. When we have our finances and life in order, we attract men who have the same.
Me: It’s GREAT to SAY that we want to be financially independent and independent in general, but if we are honest, lots of us may still ultimately want to be “saved” by a guy who swoops in and can save the day. What do you think about that?
Kate: Yes, that’s true and it’s fairly normal to want to be saved— but
we can be taken care of in so many different ways—And you can also be empowered and have a man taking care of the finances if that’s what you choose.
Its about choice and consciousness- having the freedom to choose, not having to stay out of necessity or survival..
Me: If the subject of money feels overwhelming or scary for someone—what’s the best most simple place to start?
Kate: When you feel overwhelmed—the best thing is to face it—and once you’ve faced it, you can focus on changing your mind about it.
You can start by looking at your bank account daily and feeling gratitude for whatever amount is there.
Me: I love that… but what if someone’s bank account is at negative twelve dollars?
Kate: That would be tough, but every person has something they can feel gratitude for or abundant about —their home, relationships, etc. It doesn’t have to be money.
Me: How has cleaning up your own money situation impacted your love life?
Kate: So much—the biggest impact has been on my love life. I used to think that If I was financially successful—I would have to be alone. Now as I have become more successful, I have received much MORE than I ever have before in love.
Thank you KATE! Rock on with your bad self.
If you want to check out her book, you can get it here:
Your mission this week?
Do the gratitude exercise. Look at your account balance once a day and feel gratitude for every penny of it. This is Kate’s unexpected trick for making more money and I hope you go for it!
Love, Money and Fairy dust to you all.
Let me tell you a little story about a guy we will call “John.”
Our first date was in the West Village…and he was, in a word… dreamy.
Tall, REALLY handsome, athletic, witty, well dressed… AND he made me feel really special. He listened intently when I spoke to him. We laughed and bonded and he made reference to future dates…even joking around about bringing me home to meet his mom.
His family flew out to the Hamptons every weekend of the summer (yes, flew…on their plane.) And I know that’s far from being important…but (I’ll admit!) it sounded DREAMY!
I left our first date totally high… I felt like I had literally just met Prince Charming.
Yet, there was a VERY big problem (you knew it was coming!)
John seemed SO DERN DREAMY that I was NOT focused on seeing the whole picture of what was going on with him.
I treated him VERY differently than I treated other men.
I went to his neighborhood to meet him every time… and he planned it that way.
I followed up faster. I laughed harder at his jokes. I reached out. I was on pins and needles about how quickly he got back to me. I wanted it to work.
The truth about this guy ultimately, was that he was not showing signs of being a good partner.
He WAS dreamy on a surface level… but he was also VERY inconsistent, self serving, and often inconsiderate.
Things were on HIS terms, and I allowed it because I was SO excited about the idea of him.
I escaped the situation (thankfully!) without a broken heart… and with a decision made. I decided that was the LAST time I was going to get “snowed” by a dreamy exterior without a considerate and generous interior.
I love this PHRASE TO REMEMBER from one of my favorite relationship experts.
“Treat ALL MEN the same.” –Bob Grant
Whether he is McDreamy or Mc “Meh”… treat him the same.
A few Power Practices to help you along the way…
With EVERY guy:
- Decide not to chase.
- Decide to be your best self , while still actually being YOU… Quirks and all.
- Decide that your “type” is kind, generous, consistent and super into YOU!
- Be very IMPRESSED by a man that will go out of his way for you.
And never, EVER forget that YOU are the prize.
Good guys feel best when you know your value and act accordingly.
Sending you strength, clarity and LOVE!
Your Love and Happiness Advocate,
My mom channeling her Tropical Goddess in Miami
Whooooaaa NELLY it’s hot out in the Big Apple!
I don’t know about you, but when it’s pushing 100 degrees, I find it extremely difficult to be my “best self.”
The charm and the light and even the basic manners CAN go right out the window because I’m SO dern HOT and uncomfortable.
SO… let’s talk about keeping it together and even using it to our ADVANTAGE when we are really out of our comfort zone during a massive heat wave.
1. Set yourself up for success.
Pack sunscreen and bring cold water everywhere you go.
Take plenty of breaks from the heat if you are walking somewhere…duck into shops and bask in the air conditioning before going back into the heat.
For sunscreen touch ups throughout the day, I use a powder from Bare Minerals called “mineral veil.” It absorbs oil and has SPF 25! I find it better than applying a lotion and feeling sticky throughout the day.
2. Grant yourself PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN!
Allow yourself to have cranky moments… AND you can also play a game with yourself. This game is called “Let’s see how kind and exquisitely patient I can be with others when it’s RIDICULOUSLY hot out.” Every time you are patient and kind with strangers (and your inner circle!) you get major points in the karma bank.
3. Get your Tropical Goddess style on.
Something I noticed when I was in Miami with my Mom a few months ago… was that women dress to embrace the heat. A lot of them wear their hair curly or wavy instead of blowing it out, and they wear a lot of sexy, fun outfits in bright, tropical colors. Big, fun earrings and “statement piece jewelry” were everywhere.
Style wise, I am taking a page from their sexy book right now. Tropical Goddess style is all about bright colors, fun prints and wavy, air-dried hair …throw in a fun, noticeable piece of jewelry, and you are Tropical Goddess chic!
Sending you love and air conditioning!!
Your Love and Happiness Advocate,