One of our biggest blocks to having the love we want in our lives…
Is lack of SELF forgiveness.
We have ALL done things that we are not proud of… I personally could write an epically juicy book about all of my massive “eff ups” in love.
We’ve all been there… Whether it was telling a lie, cheating, staying in something too long, being a doormat, being too critical and immasculating… or even chasing something you knew wasn’t right.
Once you have decided that you are NOT going to do that again, there is NO reason for you to carry that pain and guilt with you.
It doesn’t serve you, and it DOESN’T make you a better person.
I promise you, it doesn’t.
What make you a better person is getting the lesson, making an oath to yourself to handle things differently, and MOVING FORWARD knowing that you’re a HUMAN BEING.
Here is your mantra of the week:
“I grant myself PERMISSION to be HUMAN. I am gloriously perfect, even with all of my imperfections.”
Want a little extra credit?
Write a letter of apology/release/closure to whomever you feel incomplete with.
This exercise is for your healing and yours alone, and
**the homework is NOT to send it**
If you want to, you can burn it or rip it up, OR (as me and one of my close girlfriends like to do) go for a walk outside and sprinkle the ripped up pieces in different trash cans. Just for a little extra fun and closure.
Want EXTRA closure??
Write yourself the response you’ve always wanted to hear.
This is an exercise from the book “Mars and Venus Starting Over” by John Gray.
Dear (Your name),
Thank you for…
I am sorry…
Love, (Their name)
Now… HEAL away! Holding onto guilt and regret helps NO ONE.
Grant yourself permission to be human, and let your light SHINE.
I am rooting for you.
Your Love and Happiness Advocate,
In my experience, the two most interesting (and also disempowering) subjects for women are money and love.
My girlfriend Kate Northrup has just written a book about helping women be empowered about money… AND she has just gotten engaged to an AMAZING man.
I remember sitting around her dining table a few years ago and “pow wowing” about what we wanted and whether it was possible to “have it all at once.”
Both Kate and I were seeing a lot of examples of women we respected who were at the top, career wise,but without a partner to share it with.
Kate is now an example of a woman who has created both.- HER WAY. This is good news for all of us.
Here is my honest (and very juicy!) interview with her:
Me: How do you think a woman being empowered about money can impact her dating or relationship life?
Kate: When a woman is self sufficient financially she can have TRUE partnership—not bend because she feels she has to. She is able to really shine and be in her full power. When we have our finances and life in order, we attract men who have the same.
Me: It’s GREAT to SAY that we want to be financially independent and independent in general, but if we are honest, lots of us may still ultimately want to be “saved” by a guy who swoops in and can save the day. What do you think about that?
Kate: Yes, that’s true and it’s fairly normal to want to be saved— but
we can be taken care of in so many different ways—And you can also be empowered and have a man taking care of the finances if that’s what you choose.
Its about choice and consciousness- having the freedom to choose, not having to stay out of necessity or survival..
Me: If the subject of money feels overwhelming or scary for someone—what’s the best most simple place to start?
Kate: When you feel overwhelmed—the best thing is to face it—and once you’ve faced it, you can focus on changing your mind about it.
You can start by looking at your bank account daily and feeling gratitude for whatever amount is there.
Me: I love that… but what if someone’s bank account is at negative twelve dollars?
Kate: That would be tough, but every person has something they can feel gratitude for or abundant about —their home, relationships, etc. It doesn’t have to be money.
Me: How has cleaning up your own money situation impacted your love life?
Kate: So much—the biggest impact has been on my love life. I used to think that If I was financially successful—I would have to be alone. Now as I have become more successful, I have received much MORE than I ever have before in love.
Thank you KATE! Rock on with your bad self.
If you want to check out her book, you can get it here:
Your mission this week?
Do the gratitude exercise. Look at your account balance once a day and feel gratitude for every penny of it. This is Kate’s unexpected trick for making more money and I hope you go for it!
Love, Money and Fairy dust to you all.
Let me tell you a little story about a guy we will call “John.”
Our first date was in the West Village…and he was, in a word… dreamy.
Tall, REALLY handsome, athletic, witty, well dressed… AND he made me feel really special. He listened intently when I spoke to him. We laughed and bonded and he made reference to future dates…even joking around about bringing me home to meet his mom.
His family flew out to the Hamptons every weekend of the summer (yes, flew…on their plane.) And I know that’s far from being important…but (I’ll admit!) it sounded DREAMY!
I left our first date totally high… I felt like I had literally just met Prince Charming.
Yet, there was a VERY big problem (you knew it was coming!)
John seemed SO DERN DREAMY that I was NOT focused on seeing the whole picture of what was going on with him.
I treated him VERY differently than I treated other men.
I went to his neighborhood to meet him every time… and he planned it that way.
I followed up faster. I laughed harder at his jokes. I reached out. I was on pins and needles about how quickly he got back to me. I wanted it to work.
The truth about this guy ultimately, was that he was not showing signs of being a good partner.
He WAS dreamy on a surface level… but he was also VERY inconsistent, self serving, and often inconsiderate.
Things were on HIS terms, and I allowed it because I was SO excited about the idea of him.
I escaped the situation (thankfully!) without a broken heart… and with a decision made. I decided that was the LAST time I was going to get “snowed” by a dreamy exterior without a considerate and generous interior.
I love this PHRASE TO REMEMBER from one of my favorite relationship experts.
“Treat ALL MEN the same.” –Bob Grant
Whether he is McDreamy or Mc “Meh”… treat him the same.
A few Power Practices to help you along the way…
With EVERY guy:
- Decide not to chase.
- Decide to be your best self , while still actually being YOU… Quirks and all.
- Decide that your “type” is kind, generous, consistent and super into YOU!
- Be very IMPRESSED by a man that will go out of his way for you.
And never, EVER forget that YOU are the prize.
Good guys feel best when you know your value and act accordingly.
Sending you strength, clarity and LOVE!
Your Love and Happiness Advocate,
My mom channeling her Tropical Goddess in Miami
Whooooaaa NELLY it’s hot out in the Big Apple!
I don’t know about you, but when it’s pushing 100 degrees, I find it extremely difficult to be my “best self.”
The charm and the light and even the basic manners CAN go right out the window because I’m SO dern HOT and uncomfortable.
SO… let’s talk about keeping it together and even using it to our ADVANTAGE when we are really out of our comfort zone during a massive heat wave.
1. Set yourself up for success.
Pack sunscreen and bring cold water everywhere you go.
Take plenty of breaks from the heat if you are walking somewhere…duck into shops and bask in the air conditioning before going back into the heat.
For sunscreen touch ups throughout the day, I use a powder from Bare Minerals called “mineral veil.” It absorbs oil and has SPF 25! I find it better than applying a lotion and feeling sticky throughout the day.
2. Grant yourself PERMISSION TO BE HUMAN!
Allow yourself to have cranky moments… AND you can also play a game with yourself. This game is called “Let’s see how kind and exquisitely patient I can be with others when it’s RIDICULOUSLY hot out.” Every time you are patient and kind with strangers (and your inner circle!) you get major points in the karma bank.
3. Get your Tropical Goddess style on.
Something I noticed when I was in Miami with my Mom a few months ago… was that women dress to embrace the heat. A lot of them wear their hair curly or wavy instead of blowing it out, and they wear a lot of sexy, fun outfits in bright, tropical colors. Big, fun earrings and “statement piece jewelry” were everywhere.
Style wise, I am taking a page from their sexy book right now. Tropical Goddess style is all about bright colors, fun prints and wavy, air-dried hair …throw in a fun, noticeable piece of jewelry, and you are Tropical Goddess chic!
Sending you love and air conditioning!!
Your Love and Happiness Advocate,
STOP! In the name of love…
Having boundaries is SEXY!
We never think of it that way…but it’s TRUE.
It’s hard to be attracted to, or RESPECT someone that doesn’t stand up for themselves or have standards about the way they are treated.
The question I get over and over again (in different words) is: “How do I stay open to LOVE but protect myself at the same time?”
A lot of women are asking this question by stating a frustration: “I feel like I am either totally vulnerable (which has mostly been a disaster in the past) or very cold and closed.”
THE ANSWER IS—Have better boundaries!
Being OPEN but also having BOUNDARIES is an amazing energetic sweet spot.
You can be soft and feminine and flirtatious, but also assert what is okay with you and what is not.
Here is how to start protecting your energy and set healthy boundaries with others.
This is ESPECIALLY helpful for those of us that “over give.”
1. Research your boundaries—which means, notice what makes you feel comfortable, and notice what you DO and DON’T feel okay with.
2. Clearly define your boundaries for yourself, so that YOU are clear.
3. When appropriate—KINDLY STATE your boundaries to others and or set up circumstances around them.
For example “Hey, I only have 15 minutes to talk right now so let’s make it count.”
OR “I can’t do __________ but I can do _________.” Or “Unfortunately, that won’t work right now.” You can say all of these things KINDLY.
4. Keep your heart open —and stay true to getting YOUR needs met.
Spiritual bonus tip: Visualize white and yellow rays of love coming from your heart. Feel that it is safe to express and receive love while maintaining boundaries.
Mantra of the week: I can love and still have strong boundaries in place.
Sending you lots of love AND STRENGTH!
Your Love and Happiness Advocate,
Summer is finally here!
A lot of us are going to be rearranging closets and picking summer outfits.
Get ready for summer by doing a wardrobe check! Let’s talk about whether you are drawing attention to yourself in the RIGHT way.
This is really a conversation about aesthetics and marketing.
Now I KNOW you are a rockstar, badass, goddess of a woman…
How do I know this? Because my work attracts women who have BIG visions for themselves.
You are smart, savvy, looking for answers and you are GOING for it. You, my dear, are a great catch.
SO—do other people know that from the way you present yourself?
Does your “outside” appropriately match how great you are on the inside?
By now… you know that I talk a LOT about the INTERNAL work we need to do… but what about the “packaging??” It matters, and it sends strong messages.
I want you as GLOW-Y as humanly possible….
Bright, shiny and noticeable in the best possible way.
Clothes matter, looks matter… we all know this, so what are you doing about it?
Here are my top three ways to get your closet as bright and shiny as you are making yourself on the INSIDE.
1. Get your colors “done.”
THIS IS A GAME CHANGER. Most women don’t know their colors!!
Do you know what colors bring out your eyes and make the pinks of your cheeks glow and which colors wash you out?
You can go to a stylist or EASILY look up your color palette online.
Google “seasonal color analysis” and you will be able to determine your “colors” easily.
You can print out a swatch of all the colors that make you look your most beautiful so that you have it on hand when you’re shopping for clothes and makeup.
2. Edit your closet with a stylist or a very KIND but extremely honest friend (who has good, flattering style.) Get rid of ALL of the “eh” and unflattering items.
3. Decide what you want your “brand” to be… and dress accordingly.
My Daily Brand (that I consider when dressing) is “feminine with a little quirk”—often this is some sort of dress with kitten heels and one bold piece of jewelry, or shoes that are a little unexpected.
Be aware of the message that you are exuding with your outfits—it’s part of your marketing! For dating and beyond.
One of my favorite mentors, Karen Berg says, “Do your internal work, but also leave the house with a nice pair of heels and a little lipstick.”
I DEFINITELY agree.
Sending you all LOVE and lots of STYLE mojo!!
Your Love and Happiness Advocate,
Ever feel like YOU want to do something that others may not support or understand?
I GET IT!
And oooh goodness, it’s confession time…
One of my biggest struggles has been finding the courage to CHOOSE (and then follow) an original path that I truly enjoy.
It’s something that I still wrestle with from time to time.
There were even times in my teens and early twenties that I would say that I was a bit of an “Approval Addict.” YIKES.
It’s definitely something I have to be aware of not slipping back into. When making big life decisions, I ask myself:
“Is this what I REALLY want?”
“Is this for appearance’s sake?”
“Is this what I think someone ELSE wants or expects from me?”
I do a SOUL CHECK.
I ask… “Am I listening to my TRUTH… or am I being influenced in a way that doesn’t serve me?”
We all have a sad day now and then.
It’s so gosh dern easy to be positive on days when things are going our way.
When the birds are chirping and strangers are smiling at you for no reason and work is great, OR you just had an awesome success it’s so EASY to be happy.
But what about those sad days?? How do you “love your life” or just feel more hopeful or normal on THOSE days.
Here are my best three ways to feel more hopeful and more peaceful when things are feeling ROUGH.
GET INTO AGREEMENT WITH YOUR MOOD!
This means if you are sad, or mad, or stuck or frustrated… tell yourself that the way you are feeling is perfect and you are perfectly entitled to your mood. You can dress and act accordingly—as long as you aren’t taking it out on others, go for it! Don’t fight the feeling….go with it, but give yourself a time limit. I am going to be REALLY pissed/mopey/sad etc for an hour…or for two… and then when the time is up, make a choice to focus on something else. You can even set an alarm or timer to go off to signify when your stewing time is done.
Write, write, write… vent, vent, vent.
Ever had things fall apart with a guy you REALLY like?
I’ve had a LOT of clients this week coming up against the same issue…
They meet a guy… and he’s GREAT! He’s witty, charming, successful, attractive…
He may be JUST what they’ve been looking for.
And you know what they do? The same thing every human being does!
These women get nervous.
Allow me to (re) introduce myself, and how I can be of service.
I am a DREAM Advocate and LOVE pioneer.
Or you can call me a Love and Life Coach if you like … It’s the same thing.
I work with women from all different backgrounds and industries.
I have coached celebrities (some of the most famous women in the world) through closely watched relationships. I have also worked with CEOs, housewives, and female entrepreneurs.
Our problems and our desires boil down to being the same
I coach women through break ups and divorces and getting over disappointments from the past…
I help women BE more efficient and effective to get better RESULTS… all while having more fun.
I help women (who are often a lot like me!) get out of our own way.
That’s what I have BEEN doing….And it’s EXPANDING.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Recently I have decided that I want to give you more; A LOT more.
I’ve decided to study the nuts and bolts of what creates REAL LASTING HAPPINESS.
Over the last year I have been deeply studying metaphysics, spirituality and Positive Psychology.
THERE IS SO MUCH I WANT TO SHARE!